After work I popped over to Dundrum and bought myself some fabulous and much needed clothes. Making sure that I had something extra special for date night with himself.

Date night was amazing and fantastic. We went for the classic of dinner and a movie…but it was perfect. I don’t see the boy that often so it’s always really nice when I get to spend time with him.
He truly is the most amazing and perfect and just wow person I have ever known.

But yeah…life is wonderful!

Up until very recently I was extremely close with F. I had met her in my first year of college and despite the fact that she was somewhat accidently mean to people, I became incredibly good friends with her. However, as I mentioned she had a tendancy to be somewhat dismissive of other people, not in a mean or callous way but merely to the extent that she had a close group of friends and chose to be selective with whom she associated. Over the years, we have had tiffs and rows and there was one occassion when we didn’t speak for several months.

About a year and a half ago, while on a weekend away F kissed a girl and it turned out that she liked her. Whilst F had never dated a girl before this, it came as no surprise that she had a crush on H. Especially since she had always insisted that she considered herself to be bisexual. So no shock there. The more shocking element was that H was someone who she had previously despised. She was a girl whom we were confident had been spreading rumours about us that we completely false. However, over the next few weeks it became apparant that F was falling for H.

It was around the same time that myself and F had a horrific fight which resulted in us not talking for several month. Whilst at the time I couldn’t understand how our fight had escalated to the extent that she wouldn’t return calls. I have since discovered that radio silence was being seen on all fronts from F and that she did not contact anyone during this phase.

So, we skip forward to a few months down the line. The exact amount I am unsure of but I would approximate that it was around 4 months…give or take a month that is (if physics has taught me anything – its to highlight potential margins of error). At this point F and H were dating in an official capacity and H was staying in F’s apartment on a regular basis. Things appeared to be going well – they seemed very happy – but I did have some reservations about their relationship. Particularly around the way that H managed to manipulate things so that she always got what she wanted or the way she had F pay for everything. Whilst the monetary thing was worrying it was somewhat secondary to the issue of manipulation and dependancy within the relationship. F had rarely let people in and it seemed that in this case H had been given the key to gate and was using it to her own advantage.

She had changed my friend. F, who had always been the life and soul of the party, was now quiet and reserved. She asked H for permission to do anything and wouldn’t do anything that H didn’t approve. We thought that this was strange but we assumed that her priorities had merely changed and that she was content. On weekends away F would go home early with H instead of going out dancing or drinking with friends. H always seemed to be sick or tired or come up with some reason why F had to go back to whereever they were staying.

Soon, H had moved in…rent free…into F’s apartment. F was paying for everything and H was essentially a kept woman. The relationship seemed to be developing bizzarely and F’s level of dependance on H was of serious concern. However, like the good friend we waited in the shadows, holding out toungues and supporting F as best we could. We hoped that someday F would notice how she was being used and manipulated and that she would put an end to our misery. Alas, it was not to be.

A year and a half on and they were still together. F continually gushed to everyone about how much she was in love with H and how wonderful and amazing H was. H continued to act like a five year old when she didn’t get what she wanted until the point that F gave in to her demands.

Then along came C. C was a close friend of ours from the sticks, who had moved up to the big smoke in order to get a job. She went to live with F and H, since they had a spare bedroom and were looking for someone to rent it. C has been living there approximately a month.

Last night, at around 11pm I got a call from C and F asking me to come into the apartment. They were drinking wine and having chats and wanted me to join in the fun. I hadn’t seen them in quite a while so I decided I would go in and have a catch up. The three of us sat drinking and chatting till late and eventually C went off to bed and left myself and F to chat away. We went to bed at stupid o’clock having had a good ould natter.

This morning, I headed off early to go to a confrence in town. At lunchtime I got a missed call from F, I called back thinking that herself and C were coming to meet me for lunch or something equally nice. Nu-uh. The conversation went as follows;

S (me): Yello, sup?

F: Oh. I was just ringing you because I was dumped.

S: What dunnes? What?

F: Yeah she dumped me. She called me and told me she didn’t love me anymore.

S: WTF? Are you serious? OMG are you okay? Where are you?

F: I’m okay. Shocked. Going to meet her now.

S: Okay, well I will get out of here asap and come over to you.

F: Thanks. I really need you over here.

S: No problem. Leaving now. Call me when your finished talking with her.

F: Okay talk soon.

Needless to say following this conversation I was completely and utterly in shock. I had not seen this coming they hadn’t been fighting. F hadn’t mentioned they were having problems. This had genuinely come completely out of the blue.

So I left the confrence and called C en route to try and see what was going on. She had gotten pretty much the same story as me and was shocked. When I arrived at the apartment F and H were in their room and C was in the living room. She had no idea what was going on and was baffled. After what seemed like days shouting and roaring broke out and a devastated and broken F emerged ready to leave for her flight but barely holding herself together. Think Bella in Twilight after Edward leaved her only 100 times worse. So hugs were done and we got her into a taxi and thats when we found out what had actually happened.

It seems that when F met with H, H had an epiphany. H said that she was being completely stupid and that of course she loved F and that F was the love of her life. Blah, Blah, Blah. She said that she was sorry and that she didn’t know what had come over her and that she would do anything to show her devotion for her. They went for lunch and during this H kept insisting that she wanted to buy F a ring to show her commitment to her. Which F declined saying that she didn’t need that sort of proof of her love. So off they trotted home and H helped F pack as she was flying out for the weekend.

Everything was fine until F was saying goodbye to H. As she said her goodbyes and told H that she would see her on monday; H replied that she wasn’t sure if she would see her on monday. This needless to say made things worse and this is when the everything went completely pear shaped. Essentially, H said that she felt the timing was wrong and that things weren’t working etc etc and essentially smashed F’s heart into smitherines.

I am completely and utterly shocked at H’s behaviour. I cannot understand how she could possibly do that to someone that she had at any point loved or even cared about. It takes a special sort of bitch to break up with someone over the phone let alone break them in half.

Still in shock,

S

It all started back in secondary school, which never challenged me enough. I spent most of my time in class on alternative projects…such as decorating my nails or personal writing because I found the classes so boring and repetitive. Whilst I loved the world of academics…I hated school. It posed no challenges and I often found that my grades were good but not exceptional because I knew that if I opened the books the night before the exam I would always succeed.

This trend continued all the way through secondary, or high school as our American friends call it, up until my leaving certificate. In all honesty I did nothing for the leaving certificate. I studied the night before and morning of exams but did nothing else. In fact with biology I had never studied it in school and decided to take the exam for fun. Having only looked through the textbook on the morning of the exam I managed to get a C+ in a higher level paper. Which considering the amount of study I had done was pretty exceptional.

The rest of my results were above average but nothing exemplary. I was disappointed but contented in a way as I knew that I hadn’t put any effort in and as such didn’t even deserve the grades that I had got.

I thought that University would provide me with a challenge but within weeks of entering my arts course of sociology and french I realized it wasn’t for me and so I transferred to the social work degree, convincing myself that this was what I wanted to do.

However, after a couple of weeks it became apparent that I had a natural aptitude for the social sciences and that as a result of my own reading I had the majority of material covered before ever entering college. Once again I found myself in a place where I was unchallenged and to make matters worse I wasn’t even interested in the majority of material being covered.

Four years on I am more bored than one could possibly be. I dread sitting in lectures and detest sitting with my class. The reason for this stems around the fact that they are constantly complaining about how difficult they find the course and I feel that I am unable to be myself around them because if I opened up and acknowledged how easy I find it all I would be ostracized. The truth is I fear being acknowledged as anything other than normal because of the expectations that it puts upon me. Whilst I know that I am intelligent and that I have the ability to surpass the expectations of the masses , I fear the feeling of failure that I would feel if I applied myself and as a result did not succeed.

Yet, as I sit here writing this somewhat inconsequential piece, that in all likelihood nobody but myself will ever read, I realize how idiotic I have been. Whilst I can list off reason after reason why I have failed to achieve excellence the reality is that the only thing that has been holding me back is myself and I think it’s time that I changed that. So I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to get myself into medical school. I’m going to go and risk it all, go out on a limb and, for once, put the real me out there.

In Ireland, I need to get a 2.1 or higher in my degree and achieve a score of about 61 in the GAMSAT exams.

I figure if I currently average a 2.1 and I don’t go to lectures, do readings or put in any effort; I can most certainly get a 2.1 in my finals if I put in the work and effort and actually apply myself.

So that leaves me with the latter requirement to fulfill. A 61 in the GAMSAT examinations. I’ve looked at the way the exam is structured and I think that in terms of the first and second section I should have a natural advantage. The first section is about analyzing information from reading comprehension – which I am used to from critical analysis of readings within my course. The second of which requires two argumentative essays to be written, which considering I have been involved in the debating circuit for 8 years now should be okay.

However, the third section appears to be significantly problematic as it requires me to have mastered 1st year college level Biology, Chemistry, Anatomy and Physics. Having no money for a tutor or books and considering that I have not studied the sciences in about 5 years; I am terrified of this section.

I have found some really interesting anatomy lectures, chemistry lectures and biology lectures on UCBerkeley’s Youtube Channel and a basic Physics Course on MIT’s OCW website. So the plan is simple; watch the lectures, take notes, and supplement material I don’t understand with readings.

Strange as it might sound I’ve watched a total of four lectures today. 2 anatomy, 1 chemistry and 1 biology and to be honest its made me realize that this really is what I want to do. It’s challenging, it’s interesting and I LOVE it. I have never wanted anything more in my life.

Wish me luck

S

Having fallen out of love with weight watchers, whihc whilst working makes me somewhat obsessive. Ive decided to go for some healthy eating and then exercise.

I shall be attending the gym twice – 3 times a week and then I will b investing in the 30 day shred. Which I will endevor to do three mornings a week before I head off to placement.

So far day 1 has been okay. I have as of yet eaten nothing but healthy foods and my head is killing from the distinct lack of suger…but thats nothing that my precious diet coke wont solve.

As for exercise…I shall be hitting the gym tonight after work to go to a body pump class which will hopefully not be too painful.

Wish me luck!

S